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“The Saint Who Stole Christmas” — Only $1.99 for a Limited Time

Christmas Teaser

Save almost 40% on “The Saint Who Stole Christmas” now through Black Friday! Get either the Off-Color or Children’s Edition for only $1.99 before the price goes back up! For more information: http://ow.ly/i/7GtDT


Now Available on E-Book: “The Saint Who Stole Christmas”!

Christmas Teaser

The wait is over!  Even though the economy is shot, a clever Saint Nick has a plan to save Christmas in this funny and witty short story by the author of 2018: An Uncivil War.  And it is at all not pretty!

The Saint Who Stole Christmas, by Phil Sanderson, comes in two editions:  “Children’s Edition” and “Off-Color Edition”.  The previous is innocent enough, while the latter may be enough to put you on Santa’s naughty list for choosing it over the other.

To find out more about this funny and highly amusing short story, please visit the author’s page:  http://www.philsanderson.net/

Why So Crabby?


What came first, crabbiness or the crabs?  

My bet would be the crabs…

After all, it stands to reason that when one has the crabs, one becomes easily excitable, very aggravated and irritated, quite grumpy, and — to say the least — extremely crabby.  This makes so much sense to me that I can only wonder if the term crabby was coined by someone who laid down with the dogs and woke up with something definitely other than fleas.  Yikes!

Let’s break down the words associated with crabby.  Dictionary.com defines the word as:  

  1. Informal. grouchy; ill-natured; irritable; peevish.
  2. (defined in the World Dictionary as:) Bad-tempered.

Now let’s look at the word crabs:  

any decapod crustacean of the suborder Brachyura, having the eyes on short stalks and a short,broad, more or less flattened body, the abdomen being small and folded under the thorax.
2. any of various other crustaceans, as the hermit crab, or other animals, as the horseshoe crab,resembling the true crabs.
3. initial capital letter Astronomy, Astrology the zodiacal constellation or sign Cancer.
4. initial capital letter Astronomy the Crab Nebula.
5. any of various mechanical contrivances for hoisting or pulling.
There were actually several different definitions for crabs; but I see no reason to post all of them here.  I had trouble finding the definition of crabs (the pesky kind) in the dictionary.  It is because the full name of the bothersome insect that makes people scratch their carpet and / or itching post is actually crab louse.  But, over time, people decided to just call it crabs.
So if we put all of this together, it is easy to see that when a person is crabby, he has pretty much the same attitude of a person who may have sat on a dirty toilet seat or slept with a dirty person.
I remember when I was a single, fun-loving journalist in the Marine Corps, I used to hang out with these guys who put out fires on the flight line whenever people crash landed.  They were officially known as Crash Crew Marines.  I used to drive to Greenville, North Carolina and party with them and a bunch of hot college girls (East Carolina University had a campus in Greenville; it may have been the main campus; I don’t know, I went for the girls, not the study courses).  Well one of these guys somehow got crabs.  And he passed it to everyone in that section of the dorms (units were roomed in sections with two people in each room).  When I found out about this, I avoided these guys!  They were henceforth known as Crabs Crew!
Thankfully, crabs can be exterminated!  So therefore, it stands to reason that crabbiness can also be exterminated.  To get rid of crabs, you have to use a special type of shampoo and other fine tuned implements (not speaking from experience or anything!).  To get rid of crabbiness, it’s not so cut and dry and involves a complete change of attitude.  
But here are some ways to get rid of crabbiness:
  1. Start trying to view the glass as half full instead of half empty.  And if you have trouble doing this, try to remind yourself that refills are free!  Some people just want to pick up the whole damn glass and throw it at the wall.  But then you have a big ole mess and nothing to drink out of!
  2. Instead of looking for reasons to be pissed off at someone, look at reasons to be happy with them.  
  3. Instead of looking for the evil in people and situations, look at the good.  
  4. Be good to yourself.  Some people spend so much time helping others and getting irritated that no one is helping them.  Go ahead and treat yourself!  If anyone deserves it, you most certainly do!
  5. Never worry!  It never does anyone any good anyway.  All it serves to do is to make a bad situation worse.  
  6. Focus on spending your energies on the things that you can control.  And pray about all the others.
  7. Organize yourself.  If something in your environment is making you crabby, then do something about it, if you can.
  8. Prioritize.  So many people lose track of what is important for the things that seem urgent but are unimportant.  Remember number 6 above at all times!  If it is not important, don’t spend so much time on it.  If you have to make a list of what is important, then do so.  The first things we need to do are the urgent, important things in our lives.  Beyond that, the important things of a routine nature should come next.  And then when we are all caught up and have completed all the important things, then is the time to consider doing the non-important items.
  9. Avoid sourpusses!  If you hang around depressed people for long enough, you are going to become depressed yourself.
  10. Set a purpose in your life!  Right now, I’m trying to finish writing a book.  Purposes give us a feeling of self-importance and something we can work toward.  
So if you ever feel crabbiness coming on, try not to scratch that itch!