Tag Archives: female

Launch Successful!

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I wish to thank everyone who has purchased An Interstate Ghost Story: The Girl on the Highway on and off the launch event I’ve posted on Facebook.  I seemed to sell 12 copies right off the bat with many more promises from several to soon purchase their copies.

I’ll hardly become a millionaire from the sells of this title as I’m only asking for 99 cents per copy.  But my goal is simply to get my work into as many hands as possible so that people will know and hopefully remember my name and the work associated with it.  So please don’t be discouraged by the price.  Many may be tempted to think:  “The e-book is only less than a dollar.  How good could it possibly be?”  I can assure you, the story is every bit as solid as they come.

However, please be warned that the story is very dark and sinister.  I have a strange feeling that women are going to either love me, hate me, or perhaps both, with an intensity that I’m almost scared to imagine.  They may love me for creating a very heroic female protagonist who ends up being the ultimate hero in the entire story.  But it is also possible that they will hate me for everything that I put her through.  I actually put her through a torture every bit as terrifying as what James Bond himself experienced in Ian Fleming’s Casino Royale.  My goal was not to create a female James Bond by any means, but simply one who is tougher than most men with whom she works in a male predominant field of expertise, the Alabama Highway Patrol.

So, I now hereby promise you that you are getting a book every bit as exciting as those written by your most famous modern authors, for an incredible low price.  Please take advantage of it now.  Because if sales continue to escalate like I expect them to, the price may end up seeing a small increase.

Thanks again, fellow horror readers!

 

Gets Out Stubborn Stains?………..NOT!

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Faster than a spreading harlot….

More confusing than a loco motive…

Able to leap world leaders in a single bound…

Look!…under the desk!

It’s a head…

It’s a stain…

No, it’s Monica Lewinsky!

This particular former governmental intern, who once had a stain that she couldn’t just Shout out, just had a birthday and wanted to let the American public know five things.  But once the fabric of America gets stained, it will more than likely always be stained. Here’s what Lewinsky wants us to know:

  1. If Hilary Clinton runs for President, she may not maintain her silence.
  2. She also doesn’t like things that the former First Lady has recently said about her.
  3. The relations had by her and former President Clinton were consensual.
  4. She was not paid off by the powers that be.
  5. She contemplated taking her own life.

Please let me start by stating that normally when a person has a birthday, it is a joyous occasion where there is lots of soda and / or alcoholic beverages to be consumed; lots of cake to be eaten; and a certain number of candles on which the individual must blow.  First of all, alcoholic beverages may or may not have had anything to do with Lewinsky’s claim to fame; she should know better than to think she can have her cake and eat it too; some people, apparently, are better at blowing than others. But in Lewinsky’s case, she apparently has an ax to grind.  In my personal opinion, celebrating your 40th birthday does not give you a ticket to unearth a dirty blue dress, that no one really cares to see again, and then wave it around like Old Glory during the American Revolution.  To me, its just plain tacky.  But what do I know?

If Hilary Clinton runs for President, she may not maintain her silence.  

Blackmail, anyone?  Is it just me or, isn’t this how many whistle-blowers end up dead on the wrong end of a rope?  Heck!  As far as I know, I may end up dead on the wrong end of a rope myself for writing this article!  I may end up receiving a bomb or — worse yet! — a toxic blue dress in the mail.  Don’t get me wrong!  I think that Hilary’s head needs to roll for Benghazi, not have her strutting the Halls of Power as the Executive in Chief.  In my humble opinion, the former First Lady does not deserve the Oval Office, but the square one with reinforced bars and a personal potty at the end of her cot.

She also doesn’t like things that the former First Lady has recently said about her.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if you get caught sleeping with someone’s spouse that someone is not going to have anything nice to say about you.  Of course it doesn’t help that Hilary has been said to apparently prefer the same gender when it comes to carpet cuisine.

The relations had by her and former President Clinton were consensual.

Many Americans don’t care if it was consensual or not!  It brought an executive governmental structure to its knees!  People from all over started referring to the Oval Office as the Oral Office.  Check out this parade float in Germany:

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This little affair made a mockery of the Office of President of the United States of America!  Many Americans feel that if this fiasco had not happened, this President would have been known as one of the greatest our country has ever had.  Unfortunately for Clinton, I’m not one of them.

She was not paid off by the powers that be.

And if she had been paid off, how the hell would we have ever known about it?  And why the hell would it concern any of us?  It’s not like we get paid a percentage of what she ended up being paid or not paid.

She is really lucky that she did not end up being found dead next to a nightstand with its surface covered by a bunch of spilled pills like Marilyn Monroe who is said in secret circles to have had an affair with JFK.  Monroe got offed without pay for her indiscretions, if these rumors are true.

She contemplated taking her own life.

First of all, if you are religious, you know that your life is not yours to take.  Secondly, I will tell her like one dude told another in the movie An American Werewolf in London:  “Aim at your mouth; you can’t miss!”

So, please, Mrs. Lewinsky, stay the hell off my computer screen.  Every time I see that stain, I can’t tell if it is really you, or if someone’s been surfing porn sites on my computer!

Note:  In this article, I am not saying that anyone did or did not do any of this, but simply responding to what I have already seen and read in the media throughout the years after the Clinton scandal rocked the world press.  The opinions stated here are mine and do not reflect that of WordPress or anyone else.

 

 

Men: How You Can Train Your Inner Dog!

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Most, if not all women, have heard the old saying:  All men are dogs!

But as men, we all know this is simply not true.  Because how can we be dogs when dogs are man’s best friend?

I propose that all men have an inner dog within him.  The dog comes out more and more as we go through puberty and beyond.  From there, it is up to us to eventually tame this dog lest it wrestle control from our general psyche, making us do and say foolish things that we may or may not live to regret.  Some men want to let the dog run free and hump the leg of every beautiful woman who crosses his path.  Others prefer to gradually introduce this inner dog to a woman of deep interest in hopes that she will eventually decide that she likes the dog.  In places like England, Ireland, Scotland, Australia, and New Zealand, many men freely allow and encourage their dogs to chase pussy from one end of the town to the other!  Some men have completely given up on training their inner dog after having tried.  Sadly enough, some men don’t even realize they have an inner dog.  And they never realize it until they do something totally regretful.  In my personal case, I was single and made a vow to God in prayer that I would never bed a married woman.  Never mind the fact that premarital sex is a sin in the Bible!  Well, one night, under the spell of Red Dog and the enchantment of a woman who I’d kissed before noticing a wedding ring on her finger, I broke that vow.

Many men out there know just what I am talking about.  Maybe some of them have made complete asses of themselves before they realized that there was this little obnoxious and annoying puppy in their inner being.  Eventually, a puppy becomes a dog.  And the dog eventually may reign supreme…or so it seems.

I’m here to tell you:  You can teach an old dog new tricks!

In the Marine Corps, I used to be one of the most hopeless womanizers.  I should have been in school, getting a bachelor degree at the base educational facility.  But I was in the bars instead, carousing and chasing the fairer sex.  Eventually, I met my ex-wife and my current wife.  And, sure!  I had a period of wildness between my divorce and my second marriage.  To me, it was a good time to let my dog off its leash.

Anyone who knew me when I was single would probably have never guessed that I would be one of the most faithful men a woman could ever hope to marry.  And my ex-wife and wife both know that I am a truly honorable husband.

So how did I go from being the canine king to the faithful husband of the year?  I trained my inner dog.  And here is how you can too:

Single man dog training:

  • Don’t get involved with anyone with whom you work!  It may seem cool and exciting at first, but there is nothing cool about getting shit-canned because you dipped your pen in company ink.  Just try feeding your dog when you don’t have any money coming in!
  • Don’t mix business with pleasure.  Because the people with whom you work may be able to get dirt on you to use at a later date.
  • Always wear a condom during sexual encounters.  A pregnant woman either becomes your wife or rich on your tab.  Keep in mind that every father should make great efforts to support his children.  Getting married can also crimp your lifestyle if you are not ready for it.  In this case, your dog may not just roll over; he may just roll over and play dead!
  • Control your liquor intake, or it will control you.  Your dog may just go barking up the wrong tree!  I found this out when I was drinking under age in 1989.  A gorgeous babe was staring at me from the other side of the bar.  So I just walked up to her and started kissing her.  I thought things were going very well until I felt a tap on my shoulder.  Next thing you know, I turn and get sucker punched.  To add insult to injury, I was too drunk to defend myself.  If I had been more sober, maybe I would have realized this girl was at the bar with her boyfriend who ended up not taking too well to seeing us kissing.
  • When you are wasted, do not get behind the wheel of a vehicle.  You really should not even do it if you have had anything to drink.  But I got into the habit of tossing my keys into the air and seeing if I could catch them as I walked out to my car.  I never did have trouble catching them.  And I never did get pulled over and busted for having been drinking.

Married man dog training:

  • Never allow yourself to be alone with another woman other than your wife in enclosed quarters.  If you have to, be sure to leave a door open so that you may be able to have witnesses if the time ever comes for that.  A good witness comes in handy when your watch dog isn’t watching closely enough.
  • Never let your dog go where it doesn’t need to be.  Just as you would never let your dog run around in the streets, you need to watch where you maintain your company.  Married men have no business being in bars.  Some men think that wearing a wedding ring in a bar will keep women from hitting on them.  Actually it is quite the opposite.  Many women take great pride in luring men away from their marriages and in between their sheets.  Neither do they have any business being in their home with only another woman who is not their wife.  Likewise, they should not be in another dwelling alone with another woman who is not their wife.
  • Don’t fall for society’s stimulating suggestiveness.  Women wearing next to nothing advertising whatever it is they are advertising is likely to make your dog drool.  Be strong!  Don’t let your dog go anywhere near such advertising, no matter how much it tempts you to stare.  Television shows now glorify cheating on your spouse.  Talk about a sure way to get your dog into the doghouse if not put down altogether!
  • Always remember that honor is a rare commodity in today’s world.  Who says a dog cannot be a gentleman?  There is a painting of a bunch of dogs playing cards together.  So I guess this artwork blows that theory to hell!

These are some of the ways that I have trained my inner dog (at least as far as the married tips; for I used to always let my dog run stray when I was single!).  So what about your inner dog?  Is it ready for a Scooby Snack?