Tag Archives: adult

“The Saint Who Stole Christmas” — Only $1.99 for a Limited Time

Christmas Teaser

Save almost 40% on “The Saint Who Stole Christmas” now through Black Friday! Get either the Off-Color or Children’s Edition for only $1.99 before the price goes back up! For more information: http://ow.ly/i/7GtDT


The Porn Ultimatum


Whether or not we want to admit it, the porn industry has become woven into the fabric of our society, whether we like it or not.  Many people blame Hugh Hefner and Larry Flynt for this.  But the truth is clear.  Smut has been with us since the Greeks used to have their orgies and maybe even way before then too!

You have people who have made the porn industry not just famous but even impossibly enough have brought it to the main stream.  You have people like Ron Jeremy who became parodies of themselves in mainstream movies; then you have people who have had bad accidents in and out of the industry.  For example, John Holmes ended up getting AIDS and this made huge news, though the industry — strangely enough — never really skipped a beat in spite of it.  Then you have John Wayne Bobbit, whose wife decided to separate her husband’s tally from his whacker.  But this never stopped him from making a porn film and becoming famous with his ingeniously infallible inflatable.  

Then you have the porn films that were based on mainstream movies.  Movies like:

  • Shaving Ryan’s Privates
  • On Golden Blonde
  • Womb Raider
  • A Beautiful Behind
  • Schindler’s Fist
  • Glad He Ate Her
  • Driving Into Miss Daisy
  • Riding Miss Daisy
  • Batman in Robin
  • Blowjob Impossible
  • Dyke Hard
  • Star Whores
  • Sorest Rump
  • Edward Penishands
  • Gangbangs of New York
  • How Stella Got Her Tube Packed
  • In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
  • Saturday Night Beaver
  • Legally Boned
  • When Harry Ate Sally
  • Romancing the Bone
  • Lord of the G-Strings
  • White Men Can’t Hump
  • Ocean’s 11 Inches
  • American Booty
  • Swallow Hal
  • Spankenstein
  • Blown in 60 Seconds
  • Buffy the Vampire Layer
  • Buttman and Throbbin
  • Rambone
  • Sperms of Endearment
  • School of Cock
  • Free My Willy
  • Sperminator

Then there are the movies and television shows out there that already sound like porn titles but aren’t!

  • The Big Bang Theory
  • Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang
  • Swingers
  • Deep Impact
  • Inside Man
  • Enter the Dragon
  • Snatch
  • The Firm
  • The Insider
  • Shaft
  • Igby Goes Down
  • Enter the Fist
  • The Banger Sisters
  • Octopussy
  • In & Out
  • The Black Hole
  • Earth Girls Are Easy
  • Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
  • Space Balls
  • Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
  • Fun With Dick and Jane
  • Black Snake Moan
  • Driving Miss Daisy
  • Run Silent, Run Deep
  • Dick
  • Grindhouse
  • Toy Story
  • Moby Dick
  • Goldfinger
  • Pecker
  • Holes
  • Cool Hand Luke
  • Die Hard
  • James and the Giant Peach
  • Pocahontas
  • Transylvania
  • Fists of Fury
  • A Fist Full of Dollars

So even though many of us may be too ashamed to admit to any of this influence, the truth is undeniable!

It’s a Mad World!


If you had told someone 30 years ago that we would be carrying wireless phones which boast the capability of taking pictures, allow paying bills, permit shopping, allow playing video games, act as a flashlight, allow you to read electronic books, allow listening to music, allow watching of videos, allow the receiving of electronic messages, and offer free long-distance, they would have looked at you crazy and asked you how much doobage you had been smoking!

Today’s technology, on the surface, looks like a wonderful, amazing, and wonderfully amazing thing!  But is it really that good for us?  After all, many people feel as though it makes us lazy and complacent.  Now people are able to shop online with their phones and personal computers.  That does save gasoline and wear and tear on your shoes.  But the downside is that you deprive yourself of healthy exercise.  And you also have to be patient and wait for your product to arrive and hope it arrives in top condition.  In some cases, you have to pay for that shipping.  So, sure!  It’s definitely convenient.  But is it really worth the cost of our health, overall condition of your new product, and the labor used to deliver it?  To some, perhaps.  But to others, definitely not!

Technology is not the only thing muddling up our now complicated lives.  United States tax laws are more unfair than ever before, allowing the rich to stay rich while keeping everyone else in the struggling classes.  Tax laws  are more complicated than Chinese arithmetic!  Our justice system is shot to hell and needs to be put down like a rabid animal.  Nowadays, we have the best justice system that money can buy.  You used to be able to retire at the age of 65.  But because people are living longer (lifespan now is 80-years old where it used to be 70), people are having to work longer.  Sometimes it makes me wonder if I really should be thankful for the advancements in medicine.

Things used to be so much simpler when the cost of living was not higher than people’s salaries.  One spouse used to be able to stay home and handle household duties and supervising the children until the other — the primary breadwinner — got home from work.  Now it takes dual income in order to live even the slightest bit comfortably.  And because parents today are not able to spend as much time with children, many children get involved with friends who aren’t the most savory to parents.  Thus they sometimes end up being criminals at a young age.

Do we really want our youth here in America to earn the criminal label before they become adults?  It doesn’t help that teachers are now so knee-deep in paperwork requirements that they barely have time to grade their papers, much less spending one-on-one time with each pupil or student.

Add to this the fact that most companies are under the gun in meeting financial goals that they now only care more about a person’s production than they do their livelihood.  Thus, many employees get unfairly fired and have to find ways to support their families.  It is no wonder that some of them end up robbing banks, snatching purses, and dealing drugs in order to feed their family.  I remember when you could work somewhere and the boss really showed how much he cared for his workers, and it was mostly genuine and not just a put-on.

Finally, debt has become an American staple in modern life.  Our government serves as the perfect example of inept spending quite possibly exceeding other countries in this area.  And most American adults are now in debt.  Many more nowadays are filing bankruptcy due to this spend what you don’t have American culture.  Credit card and loan companies get away with tempting people into situations in which they do not need to be.  And on top of this misdeed, they are allowed to charge exorbitant fees.

So technology — however good and impressive it is — still does not forgive the fact that life is now more complicated than it really needs to be.  Whatever happened to humanity and compassion in day-by-day society.  I truly believe it has gone extinct.


From a Booty Call to a Felony


I cannot believe what I just saw on the local news.  A local store just got robbed!  No, it was not a grocery store.  Neither was it a dollar store.  Shockingly enough, it was not even a convenience store!  It was an adult store known more or less affectionately in these parts as the “X-Mart”.

When adult stores start getting robbed, you suddenly realize that these are indeed strange times in which we live.  In this case, if the pervatrator ends up getting apprehended, the words stiff sentence are going to sound like more than just words that got stuck in someone’s throat!

Our local news station showed camera footage of the crime as it happened.  The cashier opened the register and stepped away from it.  And the robber reached over across the counter, grabbing the cash out of it prior to fleeing the scene.

Several things bug me about this crime.  First of all, what ended up happening to the money after the guy got it out of the register.  I think this is the first time this law-abiding citizen has ever wished for money to have become laundered after a particular robbery.  Secondly, you have probably seen similar footage where the clerk fights off the robber.  If this would have happened, what in the world would the clerk have wielded against the robber?  And is it anything that would have actually intimidated the robber instead of making him laugh his ass off as he ran to the getaway vehicle?  Then we have rights for criminals!  If the guy had bolted out of the store and slipped on a strange substance, could he turn around and sue the business for not maintaining safe conditions?  Lastly, what expression came across the faces of the officers who responded to the call.  And even more importantly, what expression came across their faces as they entered the business?

Realistically, the person who committed this crime more than likely came in at one point or another to stake out the area and plan his actions before acquiring his booty.  I’ve worked in standard retail environments where you can look for suspicious behavior from customers.  For example, if you are an employee who sees someone paying more attention to you than the products on your shelves, then there is a chance that this stranger may be waiting for you to turn your back.  I guess if the products on your shelves happen to be activated and vibrating furiously enough that they are falling off said shelves, you know you have a potential turd in the punchbowl if the fellow is still watching you!  And this is only compounded if the person’s saggy pants are vibrating and / or buzzing as he exits the business.

So I guess there was nothing to alert the employees prior to the robbery.

One thing that many business establish to deter this type of criminal activity is use of environmental measures that make robbery an unattractive option.  Anyone driving by the X-Mart at any time of day will clearly see that — judging by the outside of the store — none of these measures seem to be in place.  For example, several businesses that I managed kept all windows near the cash registers clear.  This was so that police could potentially see any robberies as they occur with no promotional items or other signage in the windows obstructing the view.  There is nothing like this for the X-Mart.  Because there are no windows allowing people on the outside to see inside the store.

So what can an adult store owner do to ensure a robber-unfriendly environment?  It’s not likely they can create and strategically place blow-up security dolls.  And if they could, wouldn’t these be distracted by the inflatable companion dolls with a permanent “O” etched upon their willing faces?  Besides, no good can possibly come from creating “Adam” for “Eve”.

All of this has to be daunting for owners of adult stores.  And my heart, in some strange way or another, goes out to them.  For I don’t know where the answer lies, when business goes from a booty call to a felony.