To the asshole who pulled in behind me in my lane, shining your brights, as I was driving home from working all night long:
I hope you enjoyed it when I slowed down to more than 10-miles-per-hour under the posted speed limit. I also hope you appreciate how I sped up when cars were coming in the opposite lane, dampening any of your hopes of an opportunity to pass me. Alas, I hope you enjoyed how I came to that last intersection where we parted ways, slowing down just to barely more than a crawl, ensuring that you would be SURE to catch that red light, my final parting gift to you!
Over all, I hope you enjoyed the scenic drive in rural Alabama as much as I did. Sure! It would have been a lot more enjoyable for both of us had your headlights not been blaring in my side and rear-view mirrors, reminding me during this whole fiasco that they were a lot brighter than the driver who had been utilizing them. But we all tend to make the best of the fucked up situations that life sometimes throws at us.
So until we meet again, feel free to continue to be a proctologist’s favorite dream.