Batman — Putting the ‘Ho’ in Horror

 

batman-and-robin-gay-superheroes

What would you do if you were anally raped by the Dark Knight himself?

Believe it or not this may have actually happened before…in June 1989…on Subic Bay in the Philippines!

I was a Marine at the time stationed aboard the landing platform deck U.S.S. Duluth with my unit the 13th Landing Support Detachment.  We were all on a six-month Western Pacific float, and part of a fleet of vessels during the half-year deployment that perhaps all of us would never forget, having traveled all over that part of the world, hitting ports like Subic Bay, Pusan and Pohang (Korea), Hong Kong, Okinawa (Japan), Sydney and Mackay (Australia), and Honolulu.

As we pulled out of Subic Bay en route for Hong Kong, rumors abounded about a sailor somewhere in our fleet who had been butt raped by a Filipino.  We all suddenly began to think the story was complete bullshit after we heard that the guy who committed the foul deed was dressed as Batman!

Holy Moly, Batman!

But there were Marines who swore the event really happened, having talked to sailors who reportedly spoke to the victim of the Rape Crusader personally (maybe on the Bat-Phone?). So how the hell does a United States sailor come to find himself in the unique position to have another’s pole installed into his own Bat-Cave?

The story was that the drunk sailor had met a gorgeous Filipina bar-girl in whom he engaged in a discreet transaction.  For those of you who do not know, a bar-girl in Subic Bay is better known as a “ho”, here in the United States.  Back then, they carried health cards indicating that they had been examined by a doctor and deemed clean enough to lie down with American servicemen.  Hmph!  What would Jim Gordon have had to say about all this hanky panky?

Well, the bar-girl led him to a place where she talked the intoxicated horn-dog into letting her tie him up.  After she introduced him to each post of a queen-sized bed while having his rumpus exposed to God and the ceiling above, she left the room, and in comes our famous masked and caped detective, ready to commit crime instead of fighting it.

Had I not known better, I would have guessed someone on the roof of the bar must have shined some kind of Bat-Signal or something crazy!  So this is where the “ho” was put into the word horror where our helpless lad was concerned!  This “bar-girl” would now simply be known for the rest of this poor chap’s life as the “bat-girl”.

It’s too bad the guy couldn’t have broken free of his bonds and pwned the rotten bastard!  BAM!  WHAM!  POW!  “Crime never pays foul rapist of rear ends!”  But this was not the case!  The last pages of this particular comic book will forever be tarnished by something that looks like rotten butter and probably smells just as foul.

The story still haunts me to this day (though not as much as it probably does the victim).  I did not even know the poor fellow.  I met a couple of bar-girls while I was in P.I. Being that I was there, it is quite scary to think that this could have been me.  Never would I have been dumb or drunk enough to let the strange and mysterious bat-girl tie me up like that.  Talk about 50 shades of stupid!

Another reason this story still bothers me today is because I have come to love the modern tales of Batman as depicted by Hollywood.  As a matter of fact, I think that Christian Bale was the best Batman ever!  And a lot of people right now seem to think that Ben Affleck is wrong for the role.  But I am confident that he can handle it.

But — to get back on track with the article — I can only imagine that this poor fellow who had been reared to hate anything at all in a blue mask and cape is most likely unable to watch these amazing movies without having horrible flashbacks.

If it could possibly serve to make things better for him, I’d simply tell him:  “Relax, my friend!  You’re not in Gotham anymore, Robin.”

 

 

 

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