Don’t Pee in the Amazon!

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You have probably heard the old saying, if you have ever been to Mexico or other places in South America:  “Don’t drink the water!”  Well, apparently, you shouldn’t pee in it either!

It’s bad enough that we have date rape drugs, rapist, and serial killers in this world.  But there is also a fish that swims into the most privates of places (the plural form in both of these words was intentional!)  That’s right!  A fish that will swim into your penis or vagina hole and enjoy the rest of your vacation with you!  If this fish was a soul singer, it would be called Urethra Franklin!  However, it is more affectionately known as a candiru, canero, toothpick fish, and penis fish.  I call it the hell-no…stay-away-from-my-johnson fish!  You might call it something else, maybe the worst-thing-that-could-possibly-go-wrong-on-your-vacation fish.

According to Wikipedia:  

Candiru (candirú (Spanish, also known as canero or toothpick fish) are parasitic freshwater catfish and a member of theTrichomycteridae family. They can be found in the Amazon River and to the people who live there, they are the most feared fish in its waters, even over the piranha.[1] They are eel-shaped and translucent, making them very difficult to see in the water. Some species have been known to grow to a size of 6 inches (~15 cm) in length.

The area that has the most of these fish is at the section between the Amazon River and the Rio Negro, near Brazil‘s inland city of Manaus.

It really astonishes me that this fish can actually grow larger than the average Irishman’s penis!  Yikesapalooza!  One thing is for damned sure, people from Ireland may not want to make this trip without a frickin’ leprechaun!  Heck, I’ve got one better than that.  If someone tells me there is a fish in the river that wants to violate the holiest of holies, you can rest assured that my silly ass is not going to get anywhere near the water!  Once I hear the words penis and fish, I’m like Ben Stiller in that movie There’s Something About Mary!

Rest assured, however!  If you do happen to drink too much tequila while you’re below the equator and happen to get one of these critters in your junk, there is a ray of hope!  A long and complicated surgery can evict this invader of your most intimate places.  One of these guys was actually a guest star on Grey’s Anatomy!  In this episode, it swum into the pee hole of the actor who portrayed Skinner on the X-Files…how appropriate!  

Anyway, always remember!  If you are swimming around in South America, please do so — for your own sake — with your legs closed!

 

 

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