If you ask any faithful, patriotic American what our country needs, you are likely to get hundreds of answers. The lower class Americans will probably tell you: “A flat tax” or maybe “More jobs in America.” The upper class will probably tell you: “More tax breaks for the wealthy” or “More business grants for those in higher tax brackets”. Teachers may recommend: “Higher salaries for educators!” Clergy members may suggest: “A smaller rift between church and state.” Our democrats may say: “Marital equality between heterosexual and homosexual couples.” Our republicans might say: “More religious freedom!”
But I’ve pretty much been an outsider looking in, a fly on the wall, if you will! And what I’ve seen no longer surprises me, though it still astounds me. I feel like our country’s government, ever since the late 1970s, has become that glutton you often see at the all-you-can-eat buffets around the nation…you know who I’m talking about! That big, slovenly dude with four chins — one of them even on the back of his neck — carrying two or three plates and loading them up with enough food to maybe feed a small army. When you watch this guy, you suddenly realize just how much food one of those meager-looking plates will actually hold! Yep! That’s our country.
What’s on the buffet? We, the people…if you can forgive the cliche. We work our asses off doing various jobs and are now being forced to pay for a lemon that very few of us want — Obamacare, more lovingly known as the Affordable Care Act. We are already taxed to death! And didn’t we fight a major war a couple hundred years ago to get away from being overtaxed?
Back to the hungry, fathomless pit that we have established as a glutton! Our government gets hungry when it sees our wages! “More, more!”, it hollers! No matter the fact that two hands were not meant to carry three or more plates! “That’s okay,” it says, with a huge chicken leg hanging out of its mouth. “I don’t mind making double trips!”
What our gluttonous government doesn’t understand is that this greed will eventually cause some serious problems. After all, when you pick up one side of the plate, you pick up the other side too.
When a pig eats, and eats, and eats…something’s gotta give! It continues to get stuffed and bloated. Lord helps the person walking behind said pig when the bullet hits the bone!
So I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this…what our government needs is a MAJOR enema! And I’m not talking about the kind that has that moldy-looking bag you often see at your grandmother’s house, hanging from the shower-head with a long rubber hose coming out of the bottom. I’m talking fire hydrants, baby!
And the government is supposed to work for us, we, the people! So we need to administer it. Before we turn that valve on top of the hydrant, we need to say to our government: “No glovie, no lovie!” And then we need to pop on those latex gloves and hope none of the muck from the scary, bottomless bottom gets on us!