From a Booty Call to a Felony

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I cannot believe what I just saw on the local news.  A local store just got robbed!  No, it was not a grocery store.  Neither was it a dollar store.  Shockingly enough, it was not even a convenience store!  It was an adult store known more or less affectionately in these parts as the “X-Mart”.

When adult stores start getting robbed, you suddenly realize that these are indeed strange times in which we live.  In this case, if the pervatrator ends up getting apprehended, the words stiff sentence are going to sound like more than just words that got stuck in someone’s throat!

Our local news station showed camera footage of the crime as it happened.  The cashier opened the register and stepped away from it.  And the robber reached over across the counter, grabbing the cash out of it prior to fleeing the scene.

Several things bug me about this crime.  First of all, what ended up happening to the money after the guy got it out of the register.  I think this is the first time this law-abiding citizen has ever wished for money to have become laundered after a particular robbery.  Secondly, you have probably seen similar footage where the clerk fights off the robber.  If this would have happened, what in the world would the clerk have wielded against the robber?  And is it anything that would have actually intimidated the robber instead of making him laugh his ass off as he ran to the getaway vehicle?  Then we have rights for criminals!  If the guy had bolted out of the store and slipped on a strange substance, could he turn around and sue the business for not maintaining safe conditions?  Lastly, what expression came across the faces of the officers who responded to the call.  And even more importantly, what expression came across their faces as they entered the business?

Realistically, the person who committed this crime more than likely came in at one point or another to stake out the area and plan his actions before acquiring his booty.  I’ve worked in standard retail environments where you can look for suspicious behavior from customers.  For example, if you are an employee who sees someone paying more attention to you than the products on your shelves, then there is a chance that this stranger may be waiting for you to turn your back.  I guess if the products on your shelves happen to be activated and vibrating furiously enough that they are falling off said shelves, you know you have a potential turd in the punchbowl if the fellow is still watching you!  And this is only compounded if the person’s saggy pants are vibrating and / or buzzing as he exits the business.

So I guess there was nothing to alert the employees prior to the robbery.

One thing that many business establish to deter this type of criminal activity is use of environmental measures that make robbery an unattractive option.  Anyone driving by the X-Mart at any time of day will clearly see that — judging by the outside of the store — none of these measures seem to be in place.  For example, several businesses that I managed kept all windows near the cash registers clear.  This was so that police could potentially see any robberies as they occur with no promotional items or other signage in the windows obstructing the view.  There is nothing like this for the X-Mart.  Because there are no windows allowing people on the outside to see inside the store.

So what can an adult store owner do to ensure a robber-unfriendly environment?  It’s not likely they can create and strategically place blow-up security dolls.  And if they could, wouldn’t these be distracted by the inflatable companion dolls with a permanent “O” etched upon their willing faces?  Besides, no good can possibly come from creating “Adam” for “Eve”.

All of this has to be daunting for owners of adult stores.  And my heart, in some strange way or another, goes out to them.  For I don’t know where the answer lies, when business goes from a booty call to a felony.

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